Good-Bye Marcus

Well, the moving date was moved up a day. So, today Marcus left us for his biological family. I have such mixed feelings about this move, I'm having trouble processing the mixed emotions. I am happy for him and his family- that they get to be together. I am relieved to not have to deal with his obnoxious behavior anymore and to get a chance to teach my children appropriate behavior without the constant influence of a child with serious behavior problems. I am very sad to see him go. I am worried about how he's going to be raised for the next 15 years. I am afraid all the work I have done and all I have taught him will be undone. I worry that he won't get the nutrition that he needs. I ache for my children who are going to realize more fully in the next few weeks what this move means to them- a loss of a brother. Sometimes I feel like crying to think he's gone. Sometimes I feel like dancing a jig because of the freedom of not having to have "line-of-sight" constant supervision hanging over my head, and I won't have to kiss ugly bite marks on my babies, and I won't have to plug my ears all the time, and I won't have to take him to all of his appointments all over town. BUT, there is an empty bed in the boys room, there is an empty seat at our table, and there is a scared little boy out there wondering why he can't see his "Daddy," "Mama," Brigham, Bekah, and Hyrum anymore- Wondering why no one sings his "I am a Child of God" to him at night- Wondering why no one knows what he's talking about when he talks about wanting to be a missionary and go to the temple- Wondering what he did wrong to lose 5 people he loved.

Marcus, if you ever read this, know that you were loved by us, that we miss you, and that we hope you have learned enough to become a strong, happy, healthy boy. Even though you turned our world upside down and drove us crazy- we still love you.